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“Holding on, Why is everything so heavy?” – Linkin Park, “Heavy” I read back through my posts lately and thought why is everything so heavy? This is where I come to wrestle with my demons and reconcile the past with the present. Sometimes it’s heavy stuff but I have entire weeks and months of uneventful moments that would bore you to tears to read about. It’s time to lighten things up a… Read More

  I always go back to 17, most often when I’m driving and listening to music. A song will remind me of how much I hated myself that year and I’m back there, looking at 1987 like a white cross on the roadside. It’s the year I told. It’s the year I lost control of everything. It’s the year I spent two weeks in a psychiatric facility and wished I could stay… Read More

I cried in the shower this morning, which is my favorite place to break down. There’s something about hot water mixing with hot tears that’s comforting and cleansing. And I don’t have to care about messing up my make-up. I’m just really tired. Some of it is sick and tired but most of it is a bone-tired feeling from a job hard worked and well done. The sick and tired part weighs… Read More

When my friend Marie Pechet died in December, she sent me a spiritual gift. That may sound strange to some of you but anyone who has read her blog or who knew her knows what I’m talking about. Marie was all about spirits, serendipities and God connections. So I wasn’t at all surprised when I felt a strong nudging from her to read a certain book and then found out later that… Read More

Back in January, a friend told me about a budding movement of bloggers who wanted to spread compassion by getting 1000 people to write about it on the same day. It’s called 1000 Voices for Compassion and the day is here (read all the posts here). I’ve had over a month to come up with it, to plan my post, to write something fantastic and deep. I wanted to come up with… Read More

Every year, Mished-Up chooses a word for the year so since I’m an unapologetic copycat, I’ve been doing the same thing and recording it in my journal. Looking back, my word has always been more fitting for the moment rather than an entire year so today I’m choosing a word for the season. My word for this season is satiated. I think I’m drawn to the word because I’ve had a hell… Read More

I managed 3 weeks without blogging. I’ve read some books, tried not to think too hard and wasted a little time on Facebook. I’ve had deep conversations with friends, hilarious ones with my kids and trick-or-treated like a boss. I even dressed up for Halloween, which I haven’t done since 1998. There’s definitely something in the air. Loved ones all around me are struggling with life changing circumstances while I’m in a… Read More

I felt too tethered to the earth last week. I walked through each day with a sense that something was coming, or maybe more like something was happening but I didn’t know what. It was like that time I had a dream about the woman who adopted my cat. I only met her once but we became Facebook friends so that we could see pictures of Moo-Moo. I had a dream that… Read More

My birthday always lands around Mother’s Day so my mom and I get together somewhere in between to exchange gifts. This year I came home with a little more than I expected.

I live in the Sonoran desert but like most people in the United States, I never put too much thought into where our water comes from. The faucet, duh. Recently, I started collecting water that would usually go down the drain and am using it to water my outdoor plants. I’m embarrassed to admit I had some wasteful habits, like running the hot water to fill a pan so that it’ll boil… Read More