Mended Musings

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Sometimes my ability to make decisions quickly complicates my life in unexpected ways. I think God made me this way because if I was in the habit of thinking things through, I’d never take any risks at all. When I decided to start a No Nelling challenge 19 days ago to stop yelling at my kids, I didn’t honestly believe it would be that difficult. I’d just do what other bloggers had… Read More

I took the kids to a park that has a manmade lake with ducks. There’s a big sign that says “Don’t Feed The Ducks” but it doesn’t say anything about the pigeons so I let the kids throw some crushed rice cakes to the birds. Within seconds, a huge swarm of pigeons surrounded my son, which he thought was hilarious. It was pretty funny until a weird dude (by weird I mean… Read More

I’m a yeller. There. I said it. I used to think it was because I’m half-Italian but now I think it’s because yelling is my default when I feel like I’m not being heard. I hate not being heard. In fact, when I think of all the times my husband and I have fought in the last nearly 20 years, I blame the escalation of the fights on me feeling like he’s… Read More

When I was in elementary school, I was bullied by an older, bigger girl from 1st to 4th grade. Back in those days, it was considered “kids being kids” and complaining did no good. I endured regular abuse from the bus stop to the playground to the classroom. I lived life in a constant state of anxiety and fear but I learned to survive by keeping a low profile. It was a real… Read More

No two rock bottoms are the same. The point where we decide that we simply cannot keep hurting ourselves looks different for everyone. This is important because some of us struggle with our perception of what alcoholism looks like.

The other night, I took the dog outside before bed and looked up into the stars. An overwhelming feeling struck me in the chest. I felt the immense power of God, the creator of the universe and I was staring right into His creation. It was all right there.  And instead of feeling small and insignificant, I felt a connection to what God created out there and knew that it was in… Read More

I think of myself as a numbaholic, prone to disengaging in not-so-healthy ways. Alcohol was by far my favorite way to numb but I still have others. Food, immersing myself in books, playing Angry Birds, keeping busy, cleaning (maybe this one isn’t so bad), reading blogs, over-spending, picking at my cuticles…these are all ways that I numb myself.

We recently got a dog who narrowly escaped being named Grover by my 4 year old. He’s a year old rescue dog with a gentle energy who is completely unfazed by the chaos of our home. I thought it was going to be a big adjustment but it turns out that it’s just like having another preschooler in the house. Fortunately, he seems to be easier to train than the kids.

Dear Heather, I read your book, Sober Mercies: How Love Caught Up With a Christian Drunk. I finished it a couple of weeks ago and have been thinking about it ever since. I laughed, I cried, I related. It wasn’t my story but like all the stories I’ve heard of people in recovery, it was close enough. The details of our drinking are different but our stories have the same theme. We… Read More

I had a dream the other night that left me with such an intense feeling of joy, I felt compelled to write it down to capture every detail. I couldn’t even complete a sentence before the essence of the dream started to fade. I pictured it so clearly in mind but each time I chose a word to describe what I experienced, the vision faded. I finally closed my eyes and tried… Read More