Mended Musings

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My friend told me that it is customary to write a post thanking WordPress for Freshly Pressing me (or however you say it) so I want to take a moment to say thank you to WordPress for the honor. I also want to thank the WordPress bloggers and readers who liked and commented on Barbie Dolls – Don’t Be Hatin. I was a little concerned that the post would push buttons for some people… Read More

I’ve read about self-love for years. I’ve sought out everything I could read on how to love myself. I’m drawn to people who talk about it, write about it and practice it. I think everyone struggles with self-love from time to time but to those of us who have suffered trauma or abuse, loving ourselves often gets set aside for survival. Add in addictive behavior and the choices we make that revictimize… Read More

Today is my 2 year soberversary. A month ago when I started anticipating this day, I thought the blog post I wrote would be different. I thought I’d rehash the last year and talk about what I’ve learned.

This post was originally published on my former anonymous blog on April 9, 2012. I’m having a tough time this week, sliding on some slippery ice and I don’t want to write anything new until I’ve safely landed. I like to read through old journals and posts when I’m feeling off because they help me get perspective. This post speaks to me right now.

I took the kids to a park that has a manmade lake with ducks. There’s a big sign that says “Don’t Feed The Ducks” but it doesn’t say anything about the pigeons so I let the kids throw some crushed rice cakes to the birds. Within seconds, a huge swarm of pigeons surrounded my son, which he thought was hilarious. It was pretty funny until a weird dude (by weird I mean… Read More

Anyone who is in recovery knows that recognizing triggers is vital to staying in recovery and preventing relapse. I feel confident that I know what most of my drinking triggers are because I put a lot of effort into tracking them in the first months of sobriety. I’m taking the same approach with not yelling.

When I was in elementary school, I was bullied by an older, bigger girl from 1st to 4th grade. Back in those days, it was considered “kids being kids” and complaining did no good. I endured regular abuse from the bus stop to the playground to the classroom. I lived life in a constant state of anxiety and fear but I learned to survive by keeping a low profile. It was a real… Read More

No two rock bottoms are the same. The point where we decide that we simply cannot keep hurting ourselves looks different for everyone. This is important because some of us struggle with our perception of what alcoholism looks like.

I think of myself as a numbaholic, prone to disengaging in not-so-healthy ways. Alcohol was by far my favorite way to numb but I still have others. Food, immersing myself in books, playing Angry Birds, keeping busy, cleaning (maybe this one isn’t so bad), reading blogs, over-spending, picking at my cuticles…these are all ways that I numb myself.

Dear Heather, I read your book, Sober Mercies: How Love Caught Up With a Christian Drunk. I finished it a couple of weeks ago and have been thinking about it ever since. I laughed, I cried, I related. It wasn’t my story but like all the stories I’ve heard of people in recovery, it was close enough. The details of our drinking are different but our stories have the same theme. We… Read More