Husband

husband

My husband is a really private man, which is why I don’t write about him much. He’s my biggest fan and supporter but it hasn’t always been easy for him to watch me blog so openly about my experiences. It goes against his private nature. I’ve had countless people tell me that they think I’m brave to write about this stuff but I’m only brave because I’m so deeply and completely sustained and encouraged by him.

The first night we met he asked me, “Do you want to go on an adventure?” I already felt like I’d known him for years so I said yes. We’ve been together 22 years, married for 20 and I’m not sure if the adventure was what he thought it would be.

He thought he was hooking up with a bold and confident woman but I was really a scared little girl inside.

He wondered how I could go to bed exhausted and then have nightmares all night.

He thought we agreed to never have kids and then I changed my mind.

He thought being a parent would limit him but his heart exploded like a new universe.

He patiently listened to me tell him about my past, each time a little more openly so that eventually his questions were answered and he understood me more.

He accepted that he many never completely understand me, the events that formed me and my need to share myself with total strangers.

He fully supported me when I needed to stop drinking and believed in my judgment wholeheartedly when I stopped identifying as an alcoholic.

He may have freaked out when I became a Christian but when he saw that I led by example, not by dogma, he leaned into it.

He never treats me like a puzzle to be figured out and put back together. To him, I’m the wide open sky that fills his life, my ever changing clouds wondrous and beautiful.

It’s easy to be brave when I know I’m loved like that.

24 Comments on “Husband

  1. I thought I was coming to comment on the post. But now that I’ve read through the comments I’ve forgotten what it was I wanted to say. This post is incredible. It has been such a gift to read your blog. Regardless of the topic, you seem to find a way to weave it into a gift for the reader. You draw out the best in all of us, the thinking/self-inquiry in all of us. You are light years ahead of me in your marriage. I still haven’t the ability or the green light to post much more than I do. You’ve given me much to ponder. I adore you. Lisa

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    • Lisa, I’m humbled by your words. The defining need in my life has been to feel the embrace of family. Coming from divorced parents, there was my mom’s house and my dad’s house but I never felt like I had MY house. When I met my husband, I wanted to be everything he saw in me so I faked it. That’s usually disastrous for relationships but somehow we grew with and into each other creating the family I always craved. The most beautiful families I’ve ever seen start with people who were broken and come together to form a new whole. It’s part work, part pleasure and a whole lot of God’s grace, which is probably why when it works it feels like luck or destiny.

      I adore you too Lisa! It’s been while and it’s so nice to “see” your face. 🙂 ❤

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  2. I was driving over the GW bridge when I read this on Friday. Okay … I was stuck in traffic 😉 If anyone looked they’d have wondered about the strange lady in her minivan nodding, crying and laughing at the same time.

    It’s beautifully written as aways and I relate so much. There’s no way I’d be able to get my brave on without the love and support I get from my husband. I talk about being brave a lot but without him, forget it!

    Such a great tribute. Thanks for sharing and for making my heart smile.

    XO

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    • Haha! I love watching people when I’m stuck in traffic and wondering what’s going on in their lives. 🙂

      I hate lines like, “You complete me,” but having a strong, reliable partner who harmonizes well with us is so empowering. I’m glad you relate! ❤

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  3. I love this post and all I can say is ‘me too’! I have one just like this (in so many ways it’s almost spooky) and I feel just as blessed. Amen sister…amen.

    Sherry

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  4. “He never treats me like a puzzle to be figured out and put back together. To him, I’m the wide open sky that fills his life, my ever changing clouds wondrous and beautiful.

    It’s easy to be brave when I know I’m loved like that.”

    These three sentences gave me goose bumps! Is there anything more empowering than a strong man who has your back? A man who knows when to stand behind you as well as when it’s time to step in and protect – even when we think we don’t need it.

    I truly hope that Scott and I get to meet you and Matthew someday – I know it’d be an adventure 😉 xoxoxo

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  5. I love when you share little glimpses about your husband. I understand his reserve and desire for privacy–it’s why I don’t write about my own husband–but the fact that your husband is so private and he STILL is supportive of you sharing your heart stories, well that’s a pretty cool dude. Love the picture! xoxo

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    • He’s a very cool dude! I wanted to honor him because without his unwavering support, I don’t know if I’d give myself the freedom to be so open with my blog and it’s this forum that has helped me to heal the most. I love this picture too! They are my heart-melters. ❤

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  6. A beautiful tribute and such love in that photo. It always makes my heart sing when I hear of complex people finding such supportive partners. It reaffirms my belief in karma. And leading by example is the only way to lead, in my opinion.🌻

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  7. Wonderful to hear that such relationships are alive and well. It must be very peaceful to know you have that support – always. I know of many people who seek peace by visiting monasteries, attending church, turning to self-help literature and gurus, looking to others for their solutions. Knowing you are loved unconditionally by God and another human, brings an internal peace that cannot be garnered through any other means. Many think that we should create a society that reflects that and that may be so, and yet with internal peace you can walk through the worst that life has to offer with impunity – regardless of the challenges. I should add that from the outside looking in, such a relationship with God (or Jesus) appears smooth and uniform (some say you are “lucky”). My experience from the inside looking out is that God never, ever takes you around problems – He will take you right through the center of the storm and safely out the other side. It almost seems a test of faith when you see the wall of chaos approaching like a typhoon and you are directed right into the center of it.

    Anyway, Karen, I ramble. Great post and so great to see it. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Lucky almost implies easy, doesn’t it? I love what you’re saying here, Paul. If I list out all the things my husband and I have had to overcome, it would look like an insurmountable mountain but somehow we did it. And not by going around the mountain but my being led directly over it, crawling, crying and bleeding. Yet when I think about our lives as a whole, it doesn’t feel like it was all that hard. Kind of like childbirth! Knowing it’s all worth it in the end makes us more willing to keep trying.

      My husband has a tattoo on his arm that says “Gratitude”. Few things have been easy in our lives but I can honestly say that I’m just as grateful to God for the challenges and struggles as I am for the bounty.

      Thank you Paul! 🙂

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  8. Oh my god, what a beautiful relationship. One that we all aspire to. And I loved the sentence about leading by example vs. dogma. You deserve him. Xoxo

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    • Thank you Katia! I think that relationships struggle when people try to keep each other in boxes of expectations. I hope that we can still surprise each other when we’re 80! xxoo

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  9. What a beautiful post. You are lucky to have such a wonderful husband. And he is lucky to have you. A x

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  10. I know exactly what you mean…and I am so grateful I do.
    I’m so happy that you are so well loved

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  11. How beautiful, Karen!

    What a grace-full gift to love and be loved.

    Cheers to both of you.
    To you…
    in your wide open sky.
    And…
    to him.
    And his ever-reaching arms and heart.

    With tenderness and honor,
    Dani

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