My husband is a really private man, which is why I don’t write about him much. He’s my biggest fan and supporter but it hasn’t always been easy for him to watch me blog so openly about my experiences. It goes against his private nature. I’ve had countless people tell me that they think I’m brave to write about this stuff but I’m only brave because I’m so deeply and completely sustained and encouraged by him.
The first night we met he asked me, “Do you want to go on an adventure?” I already felt like I’d known him for years so I said yes. We’ve been together 22 years, married for 20 and I’m not sure if the adventure was what he thought it would be.
He thought he was hooking up with a bold and confident woman but I was really a scared little girl inside.
He wondered how I could go to bed exhausted and then have nightmares all night.
He thought we agreed to never have kids and then I changed my mind.
He thought being a parent would limit him but his heart exploded like a new universe.
He patiently listened to me tell him about my past, each time a little more openly so that eventually his questions were answered and he understood me more.
He accepted that he many never completely understand me, the events that formed me and my need to share myself with total strangers.
He fully supported me when I needed to stop drinking and believed in my judgment wholeheartedly when I stopped identifying as an alcoholic.
He may have freaked out when I became a Christian but when he saw that I led by example, not by dogma, he leaned into it.
He never treats me like a puzzle to be figured out and put back together. To him, I’m the wide open sky that fills his life, my ever changing clouds wondrous and beautiful.
It’s easy to be brave when I know I’m loved like that.