Glass Half Fizzy

half fizz

The fizz goes away and leaves you with the good stuff, in this case, water.

Every so often, I wake up with a heavy heart and feel defeated before I even open my eyes. I can feel myself frowning in my half wakened state. Is it any wonder that I have these lines between my eyebrows?

I trudge out of bed, my scowl in place and slip on some armor to wear for the day. It’s a mindless task, serving to hold in my dark mood. I need coffee and wait impatiently as my cup fills. If the k-cup machine is this much of a challenge, I can only imagine what the rest of the day will hold.

This is where I have a choice to make. Not choose to be happy. That’s ridiculous and impossible at this stage. I need to choose whether to learn from experience or reinvent the wheel from piss and vinegar. I’ve been here before and I have a pretty good idea of what works and what doesn’t. I can either do what works or give the world a big F you and wallow in my gloom.

What doesn’t work is attacking my mood like a problem. I like having problems to fix. I’m good at it. Give me a task and I’ll make a checklist. I will get the job done. Give me a feeling and I struggle to just sit with it. I want to analyze and compartmentalize it until it fits in a box that I can stack on a shelf. Telling myself that I shouldn’t feel this way definitely doesn’t work. Who cares if I should. I do.

What does work is saying yes when I want to say no. Cleaning helps. I need the instant gratification of seeing dog hair disappear. I need to be Queen of the Clean Floor Universe. I need to feel good at something. Crying is always good, especially if the tears are for someone else so that there’s no room for self pity (here’s a good example). Praying helps.

I will bounce back. Sometimes it only takes half a day and sometimes it takes a few. I rarely give myself credit for how resilient I am. I’m the Fruit of the Loom of resiliency. I’m Mrs. Bouncy Bouncybackaton. I am half a cup of determination and the other half is just fizz. I’m tough and tender in all the right places. I am sober and willing and funny and vulnerable. I’m in a bad mood but I’m a badass too. I feel better already.

16 Comments on “Glass Half Fizzy

  1. Good Morning Karen,

    I have time to catch up on my blogging pals, and boy, oh boy is this a great post for me to read! I’ll go one step further, and say the more I try to fix it, the worse it becomes! I have never really thought about making a choice in quite this way before, and I am thrilled to have read this! Thank you so much for your amazing insights, you have really brightened my day!

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  2. Karen. I love this. When we say yes to walking the healing path, we have to cultivate the ability to be resilient. Life is up and down, dark and light, sweet and sour, joyful and sad, and light and heavy. I am learning to say yes to whatever shows up and to stay present. Life is truly beautiful when we go with the flow and know it is okay to call a spade a spade. I’m tired of trying to be perfectly spiritual (hah) and feel much lighter remembering I’m a spirit having a human experience. This was an excellent read. 🙂 Brenda

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  3. Oh thank you. Thank you thank you for sharing this! I’ve been so stuck in gloom lately and I needed to read this. Just knowing I’m not the only one helps. And I needed to hear your perspective of not trying to “fix”! That has always been my approach and I am coming to a place where I realize I can’t do this with my feelings. I can’t make my feelings go away by staying busy and ignoring them either. At just over a year being sober from 2 addictions, the feelings are on the surface with raw intensity, and if I’m not careful, I’ll shut them away and go back to my addictions. But I have been struggling with what to do instead of fixing. What you said helped, gave me some ideas, pushed me forward. Most of all, what you said helped me feel not so alone. I’m so grateful I found this today. HP is watching out for me. Again – thank you!!!!

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    • I’m so glad this spoke to you! I love it when I see a post that is exactly what I need at that moment. There are no coincidences. I’ve spent way too much time beating myself up for not being able to rationalize myself out of a bad mood. I just need to remember that I can sit through it, suffer for a bit and still be ok. I’ll send you lots of light and love today!

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      • It is hard; on the advice of my therapist I’m really trying to just sit with it instead of fixing. Bless you for sending light and love. I so need that right now. Sending some back to you, too!

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  4. Exactly what I needed to read today and I didn’t even know it. “Resilience” the word for the week. Also an area where I am consistently slow. My glass is full and I managed to clean on Wednesday, so I guess I’m doing ok. 🙂

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    • Haha! When my husband comes home and sees obsessive cleaning going on, he knows I’m doing more than cleaning! I guess there are worse ways to sit through a mood. 🙂

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  5. Karen, YOU’ve GOT it…attacking your mood as the problem. Saying YES helps…YES. Yes, it does. I have written a LOT of about the radical power of saying YES – yes to our moment-to-moment experience in our everyday lives as a form of meditation. This radical acceptance heals. Truly. Thank you for sharing your beautiful, honest, raw experiences. Lisa

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      • awww, Karen, you say that in such a beautiful way! I’m glad your heart could wrap so kindly around your mood so that your head could let go. Keep sharing, Karen. Keep sharing! Love, Lisa

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  6. Love this. I can’t say resilient is a word ever attached to me, so I am ready to learn at the foot of the master 🙂 But I really enjoyed what you said about emotions being a problem to solve. I was the same until like you, I realized that I got more when I sat with them. I don’t always enjoy it, but I sit with them. I find that sitting with them unknots them in a way. It’s like that fact that I am there with that feeling allows it to lessen or heighten to it’s benefit, like water finding it’s level. When I sit with things, I find myself getting out of the way more, and that allows me growth and guidance. I allow room for breath. I am finding my place with those emotions, rather than busying them away. And don’t get me wrong, i love busying away emotions. i can’t drink them away anymore, but we alcoholics always find a work around solution, don’t we. Sometimes the best solution is doing nothing.

    Wonderful post,

    Blessings,
    Paul

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    • I like the idea of knots falling away. It’s a beautiful image! That and allowing room for breath. So important and impossible when we’re holding on tightly to a feeling. Lovely comment Paul. Thank you!

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