Roller Coaster

We all know the phrase misery loves company. I don’t think it’s that as much as misery needs company. We need connection when we’re miserable to know that we’re not alone.

So curl up on the couch with me a minute while I pause Netflix and tell you about what I’ve been feeling. Read More

Last March, a decades long dream came true. Husband finally got sick of eating meat. Literally.

You know how when you get sick from eating something and every time you think of that food you feel sick again? Husband may or may not have gotten food poisoning from eating meat but every time he thought about it, it made him want to vomit.

Which led to my decades long dream coming true: Eating a plant-based diet. Read More

It’s been about 4 years since I’ve written on a regular basis. When I was a little girl I wanted to be a teacher like every other 9 year old but when I was a teenager I dreamed of being a writer. I filled notebooks full of melodramatic, self-absorbed prose, half teenage angst and half very real and very scary fears. Nothing I wrote was well executed or remotely “good”.

But at least I had a dream. Read More

Meet Me Where I Am

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I only posted two times on this blog last year and thinking about it makes me panic a little. This used to be the place where I joined with my community of survivors and seekers. It was my sanity check, my sanctuary and the place where I felt validated and heard.

But when I sit down to write, I feel paralyzed. Times have changed since I last wrote on a regular basis. Social media feels so much bigger as does the pressure to be an “influencer”. I’m struggling with how to balance transparency with healthy boundaries in a world where being “real” means choosing the most flattering filter. I’m not judging. I’ve had thoughts of shutting down my blog but if I ever write a book I’m going to need a place to self-promote. To be clear, I have not written one word of that book.

I’ve toyed with the idea of starting a new blog, completely anonymous so that I could be free to say whatever I want. What would that look like? Maybe something like this… Read More

BWOCs, Crones & Hags

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Me, aging gracefully

In my early 30’s I went to the Woman Within weekend in the beautiful mountains outside of Ramona, California. The weekend was a spiritual exploration that taught me about my inner power and it was my first experience with recovery as the path to heal from everything that has ever had a negative impact. We all have something to recover from.

It was there that I was introduced to the concept of the Crone. The Crone represents the last stage of a woman’s life, after the Maiden and the Mother. A Crone is wise and respected for her experience. She is a healer and is sought out for her accumulated knowledge. In the circle of life, her role is positive and valued. Being an old hag wasn’t always a bad thing. Read More

Found

I found one of my abusers on Facebook a few months ago.

Finding him wasn’t as monumental as I thought it would be. I expected it to hit me like a car crash but instead it was more like a wave. I gasped, held my breath and let the wave wash over me. I came up for air. Then the wave was gone and it was just me floating in the calm water.

Read More

Parenting with PTSD book release

Trigger Points Anthology has been re-released as Parenting with PTSD: the impact of childhood abuse on parenting and the Kindle version is available for free on Amazon today! The listed price is $0 so you don’t need to subscribe to Kindle Unlimited to purchase it for free.

Words cannot express how amazing this book is. The stories told by parents/survivors are raw, honest and insightful. If you are an abuse survivor/parent or know someone who is, this book will help you make sense of the unique challenges survivors face while parenting.

I’m proud to be a contributing author.

 

The Tightrope and Net of Friendship

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship lately and all the different kinds of friends and levels of friendship it takes to get by in this world.  

My two closest friends could not be more different from each other. One I’ve known since our freshman year in high school. She is my sanity check and the person I go to when I need to think something through. She is the perfect combination of facts and figures, heart and soul. We write verbose emails even though we live in the same town. We share a dark and quirky sense of humor, have a lot of history under our belts and I trust her judgment wholeheartedly.

My other best friend is like my sister. Just walking into the room and seeing her smile makes me feel at ease and gives me a sense of balance. Even if all we’re doing is looking at Pinterest or planning a kid’s birthday party, I know she is my family and tribe. We’ve had plenty of deep conversations but we don’t need them to know what we mean to each other. She’s the person who would help me bury the body, no questions asked.

I have old friends that I don’t see very often and new friendships that are just budding. I’ve made amazing friends through blogging. Work friends, bus stop friends, Facebook friends, they are all vital to my sense of belonging and my need to be a part of a community.

But through it all, these are the types of friends who have shaped me the most. Read More

Dear Body

Dear Body,

Can we be friends?

I know I’m talking to myself and it sounds kind of silly but if I talk to you like a friend maybe you’ll listen.

I need to make amends.

I’ve thought things about you that if I knew anyone else was thinking I’d be crushed.

I’ve said things to you in the mirror that I’d punch someone in the mouth if I heard them say.

Read More

Holding On

“Holding on,

Why is everything so heavy?” – Linkin Park, “Heavy”

I read back through my posts lately and thought why is everything so heavy? This is where I come to wrestle with my demons and reconcile the past with the present. Sometimes it’s heavy stuff but I have entire weeks and months of uneventful moments that would bore you to tears to read about. It’s time to lighten things up a bit. Read More